Reflections

Today, on Veteran's Day, the 4 short years I spent as a medic in the army are fresh in my mind.  The men and women I served with, and the ones I lost, are all front and center.  Leaving the service is the one regret I have in my life.  Though I left because of medical illness/injuries incurred while serving my country, I wish I could have served my full 20+ years.  I would gladly give back my medical retirement to serve again...though I don't see that happening.  There's a greater plan out there for me...I just need to continue down this path and figure out what it is...

I miss wearing the uniform.  Getting up before the sun rose to rally with my comrades and start the day with PT.  I miss the comraderie I had with some of the people I am lucky to call my best friends.  The bond between sisters and brothers in arms is one that most will never be able to understand.  While I admit I had some very  hard times after I got sick and my chain of command and those in leadership roles treated me like shit; I know that is not the "Army".  As with anywhere, you have good people who are poor leaders, and vice versa.  I miss getting up every day, being proud of the job I was doing; knowing that I was making a difference.  I loved my job as a medic.  I saw a lot of gruesome stuff, things that I will never be able to forget...but each experienced helped me be a better medic. 

Each and every day, I'm thankful for the experiences and the knowledge I gained as a combat medic.  I'm also thankful that I live to see another day, to awake each morning and take that first breath of the new day.  Some of my brothers and sisters weren't so lucky.  Every day, I think of them and wish the best for their families, hoping and praying that they are finding some form of solace and peace in their Soldier's ultimate sacrifice.  I love my family, and I love my country. 

On this Veteran's Day, I'm thankful that I have lived another day and been given the gift of life and the ability to awake each morning with a breathe of fresh air...for a new beginning.

Visit With Caden

My visit with Caden was absolutely wonderful!!  We got down there Friday early evening, and I was able to go with  Chris to surprise Caden when we picked him up from school to take him to football practice.  I walked into the gym, where they were having a halloween party.  They had a lot of the bouncy jump houses set up.  I walked up and one of the teachers called to Caden, "Caden, your ride is here".  He said, "Hang on Dad, I'm coming".  I finally piped up and said, "I'm not your Dad".  He saw me and screamed "MOMMMYYY!!!!!" and couldn't get out that bounce house fast enough.  :)  He jumped into my arms and gave me the biggest hug!!  He then told me that he wasn't expecting me until Saturday.  I had told Chris not to tell Caden when I would be there, because I didn't want to get Caden's hopes up.  Needless to say, he was a VERY happy boy! 

While in  Connecticut, I was able to see his last football practice and his last game of the season.  He doesn't really care for football, so he's done for a bit.  His first love is hockey.  I was able to go to a hockey game as well.  He was playing defense but recently switched back to being goalie.  He loves being the goalie.  At his hockey game this weekend, he stopped 30 out of 35 attempted goals.  That's my boy!!  :-D

That's the good stuff.  But the last week has also been filled with some not so good stuff.  Last week on Monday, I found a lump in my right breast.  I saw my doctor on Thursday and she found two more (for a grand total of three).  I am impatiently awaiting for them to call me with my diagnostic mammogram appointment, sonogram, and probably biopsy.  Theoretically, all three should happen on the same day, depending on the results of the mammogram and the sonogram.  Here's to hoping the lumps/tumors are benign and NOT cancer!!! 

This week has definitely been a testament of the power of remembering to breathe.  I can't afford to stress out about the additional medical drama.  The more stress I have, the more seizures I have.  NOT good.  I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away...*sigh*

Just gotta breathe...inhale...exhale... right?  Some days it's easier than others...